


Performance Anxiety

by SamuelJames



Series: An Amazing Boyfriend [2]
Category: Primeval
Genre: M/M, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 11:20:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/418316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erectile dysfunction is not something Becker thought he'd have to worry about at his age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Performance Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Performance Anxiety  
> Pairing: Connor Temple/Hilary Becker  
> Rating: 18+  
> Summary: Erectile dysfunction is not something Becker thought he'd have to worry about at his age.  
> Notes: Written for mmom and is a sequel to [Closest Confidant](http://archiveofourown.org/works/274973) but all you need to know is that Becker has been having arousal problems  
> Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of its creators. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net.

"Fine, yeah, it can't be helped. Dose yourself with Lemsip and we'll try to arrange something for next week." Becker hangs up and turns back towards home. He lets himself in, surprising Connor who's stretched out on the couch with his hand in his boxers.

Connor pulls his hand free. "Sorry. Thought you were meeting the lads."

"Tim's sick and John had to look after the kids because his wife is stuck at work. We're rescheduling."

He goes into the kitchen praying Connor won't follow him. Connor's return was a huge relief but since his return Becker hasn't been able to perform. It's so nice to hold Connor or cuddle while they watch tv but he avoids kisses or anything that might lead to more. He's well aware that Connor knows it's deliberate but wanting a solution doesn't make it so. He's not about to ask his mates if they've had similar issues, they'd laugh. He'd only been gone a couple of minutes, Connor must have been quite frustrated and now Connor's even apologising for touching himself. It's so stupid to be hiding out in his own kitchen.

"Becks."

Becker turns around slowly.

"Can we talk?"

"I should go to the gym, make use of my free time?"

"Am I not worth your free time?"

Connor, still only in his boxers, looks so sad as he says it. Becker will just have to have one of the most horrible conversations of his life.

"Of course you are, Con. I know there's a problem and I know that you know I know there's a problem. Sheer force of will doesn't make me hard. You've been patient but if this is it, if we're over then I'll understand but I wanted to delay as long as I could."

"I would never. Christ, I wouldn't walk away because we haven't had sex since I came back. You either think very little of me or of yourself. We're not just sex. I mean I said that you're an amazing boyfriend."

Fuck. Connor had told someone. "Said to who?"

"What?"

"Who knows that I'm amazing boyfriend that can't get it up?"

"Abby. I'm sorry, I trust her with everything."

Becker pushes past Connor and sits on the couch. He puts his head in his hands. It's embarrassing enough to be a flop in front of his boyfriend but now Abby knows. She knows and he has to work with her. He has close friends too but he doesn't go round telling them about their sex life. He feels the cushion dip as Connor sits beside him.

Connor puts his hand on Becker's knee and squeezes gently. "Please look at me."

Becker looks up but pushes Connor's hand away. "Why did you say anything?"

"She's my best mate. It never occurred to me not to talk to her. She won't tell anyone, she promised."

"But I work with her too. There have to be some boundaries, Connor."

"I am sorry. Abby had some good advice though, she said I should talk to you and take the pressure off. The other morning I woke before you and pretended to be asleep so you'd keep your arm round me. I've stopped trying to kiss you because the last time you looked so upset. I'm in this for the long haul and kisses don't have to lead anywhere. Not every touch has to progress to more, even if that's what it was like before. I promise not to try anything but please don't close yourself off to any affection. You've been amazing at looking after me, cooking for me and buying me things but you don't need to do all that. I know there's no quick fix but I love you."

"Really?" Becker's surprised but Connor sounds serious.

"Yes. I was already falling for you but while I was trapped the thought of you kept me going. I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make things work."

"I want that too, Connor, believe me the mind is most willing but it'd be like trying to thread a needle with a piece of spaghetti. I could bottom but it isn't pleasurable unless I'm turned on. I even tried wanking to see if it was a sort of stage fright thing and I couldn't do something I had perfected by age fourteen. I mean I don't know after how long you're supposed to worry. My sex life should not be over before my thirtieth birthday. I thought you might want to leave because you shouldn't have to go without just because of me." 

Connor holds his hand out and Becker takes it. When he looks into Connor's eyes he can see concern. Maybe they can work this out.

"Do you really think that every couple in the world has completely compatible sex drives? You can't be the only guy to have ever had problems. This is the longest relationship of my life," says Connor, "and I've absolutely no desire to end it. I've made do with my hand plenty of times. Just please don't go back to avoiding me or ignoring this."

Becker nods. "I won't but I've been so embarrassed. I do miss kissing you."

"I'll be led by you and go as slow as you want."

"Okay," says Becker. "I'd like that. Can I kiss you?"

"Yes please."

As kisses go it's not one of their best but Becker enjoys the panic free kiss. When they pull apart he sees Connor quickly adjusting himself.

"Are you still hard?"

"Yeah but I can ignore it."

"That kind of goes against what you were saying. Let me help. Take off your boxers."

Connor looks unsure but stands up. If this is going to take time, Becker will have to get used to being fully clothed while Connor's naked. Becker sits back against the arm of the couch and has Connor sit between his legs. He kisses Connor's neck and Connor relaxes against Becker's chest.  
"I'm sorry, Connor. I shouldn't have let things get this bad."

Connor rubs Becker's leg, "it's okay. We've talked now, it can only improve and I promise to be more discreet in future."

Connor curls his hand round his cock and Becker tries to push down the awkward feeling. Connor is still gorgeous, he should find this arousing but what if it never happens again or he has to take Viagra or Connor eventually wants more than an appreciative audience? To stop the thoughts swirling round his head he takes a deep breath and closes his hand around Connor's. Neither of them speak but Connor tilts his head in obvious invitation. Becker presses his lips to Connor's neck and closes his eyes. It's not the fix he hoped it would be but Connor is definitely turned on. They move together, Connor's speed dictated by Becker's grip. He's very aware of Connor's breathing and the heat of Connor's skin. When Connor pushes back against him and arches up a little Becker knows he's about to come. He kisses Connor once more and holds him through his orgasm.

"Thank you."

Connor turns his head and kisses him quickly. "No. Thank you for talking to me. I don't have a fix but I feel like I have you back."

Later that night Becker puts his arm around Connor in bed and doesn't flinch when Connor pushes back against him. It's definitely an improvement.


End file.
